Sunday, August 21, 2011

Another one.

This is a rant.

To anyone who reads this: thank you. Also, I'm sorry you had to read my complaining.

Last night it came to my attention (a.k.a. I overheard them talking very loudly about it on skype) that my sister's fiance had somehow found my youtube channel, and therefore very likely this blog. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but to me at least, it really is. 

First of all, when I first made this blog I had decided that I was never going to give the address to people that I actually know in real life (except a few close friends), including and especially my family. I decided this simply because I want this to be my place where I can write whatever I want and post whatever I want without worrying about people I know reading it. I wanted this to be my place to do with what pleased. The same goes for my youtube channel, lookbook, tumblr...whatever. So far it has been, and I love this little blog for it. But now I know that I'll be a bit uneasy whenever I post something on any of these websites because I know he might be reading them. I know that this sounds over dramatic as well, but before you suggest that I join the Drama club let me explain a bit. 

If this had happened with anyone else that I hadn't wanted to see my blog, I would still be upset. But to be quite frank, my sister's fiance is one of the very last people I would ever want to see my blog, watch my videos - whatever. I've known him almost all my life. He's been my brother's best friend for forever, and he used to be one of my best friends when were little, too. He's invaded my privacy since I was little (stealing and reading my journals out loud, writing in them, making fun of me for what I'd written), and I'd always let it go because he was one of my favorite people. But as we've grown up, we've also grown apart. Now we have some very opposing ideas of life- religion, tastes, general opinions, etc. and I'm just not very comfortable with or fond of him anymore. I honestly just don't want him knowing much of anything about my life.

I haven't told him any of this because I really hate hurting people, especially on purpose. But after having a mini breakdown on the phone with Josh last night, he sugested and I agreed that I really need to stand up for myself, whether he reads this or not. And he didn't just stumble upon it or get the address from my sister, because she doesn't have it and it's not posted anywhere he would have ready access to it. He had to have actively searched for it. I deleted him from my facebook specifically because I wanted my privacy, and him invading it is just not ok with me. This is my special place. I know that's the problem with the internet...that anyone can find what you post. But still.

I asked them both to not go on any of my sites, and I hope they have enough respect for me to not. I'm also going to continue posting as usual, I've decided. Like I said, this is my place and I won't let it go for something like this. I may delete this post later, but I had to get this out. 

Now I'm going to go join drama.

1 comment:

  1. Eek, I kinda know how you feel. There were some people in my family and from my work that found my space...and I was totally embarrassed (not that I'm embarrassed of my blog) and felt kind of violated...because then they would come up and say things to me about what I posted and what I was up to. I know the ones at work actually googled my name and that's how they found it...creeps! Why would anyone go out of their way? It's a weird thing b/c as bloggers, we totally put ourselves out there...but for strangers more so than people close to us. I like the idea of having my own space as well but I've gotten more comfortable with the fact that others I know in real life are seeing it. are not being too dramatic here. I know a lot other bloggers that feel the same way. Hang in there darling:)